Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

woman-controlling-man“NEW DATING BOOK Says Feminism Ruins Relationships, Women Can Stop Men from Cheating,” read the headline of the December 8th Fox News article. “First there was the dog whisperer. Then there was the ghost whisperer. Now comes the controversial new dating and relationship guide: The Man Whisperer.” I was hooked.

The self-proclaimed feminist authors claim that feminism has made a mess of male/female relationships. “Feminism teaches women that they are equal to men, but when it comes to love, romance, attraction, and chemistry – men don’t fall in love with a woman because she is an equal. Men fall in love with women who are their compliment: feminine, loving and appreciative.”

I was fascinated. Was Man Whispering just a new face for feminism? A new tool of manipulation? A return to a more biblical relationship model? I simply had to know more! As soon as I could break away from my computer, I braved the 20 degree weather and freezing rain to scurry over to the nearest bookstore in search of this new book – The Man Whisperer. 50 minutes, 3 bookstores and a rain-frazzled hairdo later, I returned in triumph. The next 24 hours of nonstop reading proved to be the most fascinating and horrifying of my adult life.

~ The Fascinating ~

The Man Whispering authors took 236 pages to tell women that being kind, respectful, gentle, supportive, and forgiving will yield far greater results in their relationships than being an argumentative nag. Funny, the Bible says the exact same thing.

Kind:  “And so train the young women to love their husbands… be kind and submissive to their own husbands.” Titus 2:4-5

Respectful: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Eph. 5:33

Gentle: “Let your adorning be… the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” 1 Pt. 3:4

Supportive: “The Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Gen. 2:18

Forgiving: “Be kind to one another, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Eph. 4:32

Nag: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a nagging wife.” Prov. 21:9, 19.

There has been a consistent trend in the secular relationship community of rediscovering God’s design for male/female interaction. Of course, they don’t actually recognize it as biblical. But advice like girls not pursuing guys, letting the man be the provider, and being nice to the man you love…. is all clearly straight out of Scripture. I have to hand it to the Man Whisperer authors –they got it right – acting like a nice woman (rather than a bossy man) is guaranteed to improve any relationship! There is a general blessing on anyone who practices these truths, but God has something far greater in mind for his daughters.

~ The Horrifying ~

Man Whispering Motivation: In the words of the author, “Why should you zip it, let him fix things on his own, stroke his ego, and wait for him to do what he wanted? Quite simply, because it gets you what you want in romantic relationships.” There it is. The underlying heart motivation for theses good outward actions (kindness, gentleness, respect, etc.) is selfish. Man whispering is about getting what you want.

This stands in direct contrast to what God has called his daughters to be – true women of the Bible. A true woman is willing and determined to reflect the beauty and heart of Christ to her world. She seeks to live a God-centered life, trusting Him and saying “Yes, Lord!” in all things. ( A true woman submits, respects and loves because of what Jesus Christ has done for her, not what she can gain through her nice feminine behavior.

This is what the Man Whisperer idea missed; femininity is not about self, or even about men, it is about God. Wives are called to submit to her husband, because it reflects the church’s submission to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24). Husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25-30). “God created us male and female precisely so that we could display the glory of His son (Gen 1:27, 2:21-22). Our sexuality is designed for the glory of the Son of God. Womanhood and manhood are not an afterthought in God’s plan. God designed them precisely so that they would serve to display the glory of Son dying to have His happy, admiring bride.” (John Piper, in Voices of the True Woman Movement)

True Woman Motivation: While true femininity, by God’s design, brings out masculinity, its primary purpose is not self or another person. True Womanhood is about reflecting God’s glory to the world by living in biblical complement to masculinity.

~ The Difference ~

The Man Whisper uses her femininity for her own gain to manipulate her man into acting like a man so she can have the relationship she always wanted.

True Womanhood uses her femininity to bring glory to God which in turn serves as a powerful call for men to rise up to be who God created them to be: masculine co-bearers of God’s glory.

Man whispering is just another human attempt to have the blessings of God without surrendering to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It is an effort to implement the biblical model for relationships, but without the power of the Holy Spirit it will always be incomplete. For those who do not have a personal relationship with Christ, man whispering is the best they can hope for. They simply do not have the Holy Spirit equipping them to live self-sacrificing, unconditional-love filled, God-glorifying lives. But for those of you who know Christ, you have a choice. Do you conduct your relationships in your own strength for your own purposes? Or do you rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to love and live through you, so that your relationship brings glory to God? The difference between man whisperer and true woman is total surrender to Jesus Christ. His strength. His relationship. His glory.

Man Whisperer vs. True Woman…. the difference lies in the motives of our heart.

Who are you… Man Whisperer or True Woman?

5 thoughts on “Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

  1. I agree the motives can seem wrong to just be selfish and try to get a man.

    But, God does want us to be happy, and He has designed a plan for men and women to be different because it really does lead to the most happiness. Also–doing things because that’s what your husband likes does seem to be a good motive in general.

    I don’t see anything wrong with being rewarded with a romantic relationship because we’re following God’s plan.

    It’s fascinating when the world uses various practical observations to end up in very similar conclusions as God’s plan for us.

  2. Wonderful insights and comparisons. Thank you for the challenge to reach for submission to Christ as the basis of our femininity. I was blessed. Thank you!

  3. There is a book that is being used all over the evangelical church right now to address marriages (even used in premarital counseling) that is the “marriage” equivalent to this book you review here. The book is called _His Needs, Her Needs: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage_ by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. The author claims to be a Christian on about page 22 or 26, but there is pretty much no scripture in sight on the pages of the book. I’d love for one of you ladies to review that one!

  4. @Strong Man:
    On the contrary, God wants us to be holy. Holiness can lead to happiness (or rather, contentment) but happiness is immaterial in achieving holiness.

    The “anything wrong” with the idea that following God’s plan will result in a relationship is that it is not true. (I humbly offer myself as a counterexample to any such universal claim.)

    Women who think “If I follow this plan exactly, then God will give me a good man as my husband” are a) treating God like a vending machine, and b) likely to receive a severe blow to their faith when it doesn’t pan out.

    From what I’ve seen, the advice given in the book is an excellent way to keep your man content with you, but it is in not way a guarantee that you will get him in the first place (or keep him one you have him).

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