When You’re No Longer “In-Love” With God

She was sitting there contemplating what to say. She had so many thoughts going running through her mind and her feelings seemed to change with every thought. He had been so much a part of her life that she couldn’t imagine life without him but she also couldn’t deny that the spark was gone. Their relationship had changed. Where was the passion that had been so pervasive in the beginning? Where was the excitement that each new day used to bring? She had to wonder: “Am I still in love with him?” “Is this worth it anymore?”

How many times have you and I wondered where the spark has gone in our relationships with husbands, long time boyfriends, and even some friendship? It’s exciting in the beginning when everything is new. But after awhile, when the newness dies down, you begin to question if you’re meant to be in the relationship any longer because you no longer “feel” the same way.

Our relationship with God is a lot like a marriage or dating relationship. In the beginning you’re on this spiritual high with all these spiritual endorphins shooting through your heart and mind, but after some time the high goes away. That’s when the questions about whether you actually love God come in, whether or not He loves you, and whether being a Christ-follower is really something you want to keep investing in.

So what do you do when all the sizzle has fizzled with God?

Find Out Who’s Changed in the Relationship

In marriages, people change over time and your feelings of “like” and “love” change too. Sometimes those changes can be for the worse and end up hurting the relationship. To figure out how to get your spark back with God, you first need to figure out what and who has changed in the relationship.

Ask yourself: Who’s behavior has changed? Has God’s or yours?

God is always the same, acts the same, and has the same character since the beginning of beginnings. (Mal.3:6; Heb.13:8) So it’s not God who is the one affecting the changes in the relationship. He’s not doing anything less or anything more (Ja.1:17). He stays constant, faithful, loving, and kind to us ALL the time because our God never changes.

If things are feeling different in your relationship with God, more than likely your behavior has changed. We’re the ones with wavering emotions. We’re the ones whose personalities, behaviors, habits, and hearts change continually. If we’ve lost that loving feeling towards God, ask yourself what habits, attitudes, or behaviors have changed in your life. Have you started reading your Bible less? Have you been trying to control your own life? Have you been talking to God less? Have you given God’s place in your heart to someone else?

Realize You’re Gonna Go Through Rough Patches

All relationships go through highs and lows. Even with friends sometimes there’s excitement and sometimes there’s less but you keep plugging through; you stay committed. Every marriage goes through stale or difficult times but you’ve got to stick it out. God is your anchor through the storms and riding out the storms is what makes your faith stronger. The “low” times in your relationship with God shouldn’t make you doubt God’s goodness but it should show you that no matter how you change, or how much you stray, God is faithful to be with you ALWAYS! (Matt. 28:20) It should strengthen your faith, not sever it.

Date God Again

So how do you get back to that sweet spot in your relationship with God? How do you fall back in love with Him again? Go back to the beginning when you were first falling in love with Him: what did you do? You read His Word constantly, you were always talking to Him, you were just getting to know Him. God is amazing and so easy to fall in love with because of how amazing He is, so get to know the awesome and wonderful God!

When you’re in the beginning of a new relationship you can’t get enough of that other person because you wanted to know everything about them. Pretend like you’re dating God. Set aside time daily to just be with Him to talk with Him, find out more about His amazingness (and yes, I just made up that word).

The good thing for believers is that God’s love for us never changes (Deut.7:9). It never diminishes, it never goes away (Ps.37:28). Nothing can ever separate you from God’s love. (Rom. 8:37-39) It is always the strongest, deepest, most unbelievable love we will ever experience. (Jn.13:34-35,Rom.5:8)

Unfortunately, we’re the ones whose love changes and diminishes with each passing day. We’re the ones whose hearts stray which is why we must continually recommit ourselves to the relationship. We must continually keep repenting of our straying hearts and go back to the God we first loved.

Remember Why You Fell In Love With God

The best thing you can do to revive your relationship with God is to remember the very reason you first started following Him. You first fell in love with God because Christ died on the cross so that all your sins could be forgiven and you could have a forever relationship with Him! (Rom.5:17;6:4) Christ took on all your sins, suffered an excruciating death because of His great love for you, so that through faith in Him you could be together. God isn’t going to guilt you into loving Him but it’s what you owe Him. We all owe Him our lives, our love, our complete selves.

Isn’t it amazing that the God of the universe had so much love and mercy for you that He gave you the opportunity, through Christ’s death on the cross, for an eternal union with Him? He gave you the chance to live in His light, no longer chained to sin and it’s darkness. (Rom.6:9,23) God gave you a new life through His only Son Jesus Christ! (Jn.3:16-21)

If that doesn’t make you swoon over God again, I don’t know what will. 🙂

So, if you’re feeling like God has been distant and things aren’t like they used to be, know that God is always there beside you, loving you, and caring for you. Look at how you’ve changed since you last felt excitement for God and that will be a big help to know what needs to change. For true believers in Christ, the love and excitement will come back again – but it’s up to you to get it back. If you’ll just spend time with God, ask Him to show you His love for you, and commit to Him then you’ll begin to notice those “butterflies” for God coming back.  You will get back the sizzle in your relationship with Him.

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12 thoughts on “When You’re No Longer “In-Love” With God

  1. Pingback: For Women | One Thirst

  2. You could certainly see your skills within the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  3. I think you have some good ideas about ways of renewing fellowship with God. However, I’m a little disturbed by the imagery of your article. The Bible never refers to our relationship with God as that of a “lover”. Jesus is our righteous king, not a Don Juan coming to sweep you off your feet. The Song of Solomon is between a man and his lover, not God and a person. The next time Christ comes to earth, He’ll have a tatoo on His leg that reads “King of Kings,” with flaming eyes, and many people will die. Blood will engulf the battlefield. Not very romantic, but very righteous. Be careful of the image you are telling the world concerning God. If you make Him downy soft, people (especially men) won’t take Him seriously; “Jesus is my cuddly hubby” is not Biblical. Yes he loves us, but not in the way you are describing. He is the groom of the church, not you personally.

    • Your Friend, what you say could be true (I still need to think about it), however, the real problem with this post is that it smacks of anti-intellectualism. Human intellect finds it’s complete fulfillment in Christ. I think this idea from Diane sells Christian faith short. Our fellowship with Jesus isn’t based on mere emotional feelings, but rather on our intellectual understanding of who Christ is. Romans 12:1-2 commands us to renew our minds. Once faith is reduced to fuzzy emotionalism, any type of false intellectual argument against Christ supplants the message of the Gospel. This is one reason why Christianity isn’t taken seriously at the universities of our country. At the end of the day, emotionalism is no match for intellectualism. The mind is preeminent, and emotions are fleeting. I would rather not try to get butterflies in my tummy; I want peace, wisdom and understanding at the forefront of my faith.

    • Thanks “Your Friend” for your comment. The two examples of problems you had with my article were ones that I never used, alluded to, or even believe myself. I never used the word lover nor made reference to Song of Solomon.

      • Sorry if the critique came across as harsh, but I felt you should know what guys think. Ironically, I found your article in the Baptist Press online next to an article on homosexuality and was repulsed by the thought of “swooning” over Jesus, having a “sizzling” relationship with God, or “falling in love” with Jesus. I referenced Song of Solomon above because that is the only place in Scripture I can think of where such imagery exists. However, no where in Scripture is agape presented in romantic imagery. If I am wrong, can you point out the right references? Such imagery of relational “sizzle, swooning, and butterflies” is not helpful. Most men would never talk about another guy that way, especially a guy they respect like Jesus. Many women are told to “date” Jesus, and consider their relationship with Jesus as their relationship with a “boyfriend.” You made such comparisons in the first three paragraphs of your article. Those images, especially for unsaved men and women, reduce God into something he is not. His love is much greater than mere human romance or eros. I agree that our relationship with God should be the most important, but the metaphors you employ are not constructive. The most useful ways to relate to Jesus should appeal to both men and women.
        You are absolutely right to emphasize prayer and Scripture for rebuilding a strong relationship with God. I would also add accountability with others of the same gender and evangelism to that list. However, your message could be better and have broader appeal in the future if you will use different metaphors. Don’t be discouraged by this critique; you are doing great, but you will be better! God promises it!

  4. Hey! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! She always kept talked about this. I will forward this post to her. Pretty sure she will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  5. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content for you? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a few of the subjects you write in relation to here. Again, awesome blog!

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