10 Signs That He’s A Keeper

10signshe'sakeeperThere are a lot of guys in the world – 3.4 billion to be exact. That’s a lot of guys to wade through, which doesn’t help when you’re dating. Thankfully, those options narrows down quite a bit because any potential date has to be a believer. But dating can still be a challenge. Sometimes it’s hard to know who you should give a chance or who you should commit to after several dates. As Christian women, we know a guy we’re dating or possibly marrying has to be a Christ-follower… but how else are you supposed to know if he’s for you?

How do you know if he’s a keeper?

1. He’s A Servant
When wondering if you should keep dating a guy – look at how he spends his time: does he serve his church? Is he the kind of guy that helps his neighbors or friends when they have a need? A keeper is a hard worker, not only in his job, but everywhere else. He serves others as an act of worship to the Lord (Rom.12:11;Gal.5:13; 1 Pet. 4:10).

2. He’s Always Honest….Even When It May Hurt
A guy that’s a keeper is one that will kindly tell you the truth, ALL the time. If you ask him if those pants make your butt look big, he will tell you the truth. It may not always be what you want to hear every time but it’s for the best. Not only is his truthfulness obedience to the Lord (Prov. 12:17;14:25; 2 Cor. 6:7; Eph. 4:15,25) but it’s for your benefit too. When a guy is honest then you always know what to expect from him…the truth. If he says he’s working late then he’s really working late. He’ll always be someone you can count on for loving honesty.

3. He Takes the Lead
One of the hardest things about dating is wondering about the future. Are you both on the same page about where things are going? Will he be okay with the physical boundaries I’ve committed to?

No, he doesn’t boss you around, or try to control your every move, but a keeper does take initiative in the relationship. You won’t have to bring up the DTR after a month or two of dating, because he’s already done it (Eph. 51 Pet. 3:7). You don’t have to talk with him about physical boundaries, because he’s already set them (Acts. 15:20,29; Rom. 13:13). He communicates with you, respects you, and let’s you know exactly what’s going on in the relationship so you’re not constantly wondering. He’s the leader.

4. He Only Has Eyes For You
One of the things that helped me know that I had a keeper when I was dating my husband was that he didn’t check girls out. He even did everything he could to avoid situations that might tempt him. He cared and respected me enough to keeps his eyes from wandering, but more importantly he knew that God had asked him to abstain from it (Prov.6:25Matt.5:28). His fear of the Lord and desire to live a life above reproach kept his eyes only for me. That’s the kind of guy you want to keep around!

5. He’s Got A Plan For His Life
Exceptional guys (which is the type you want to be with) have goals. They have ambition, they are seeking God’s guidance for their life and are doing what it takes to get where the Lord is leading them. And if they don’t know God’s exact plan for them yet, keepers are actively learning. They’re seeking the Lord to direct their future paths and then they’re taking the steps in walking that way (Prov. 3:5-6).

6. He Knows When He’s Wrong
A guy who is a keeper is teachable. That means he let’s the Lord mold him into a godly man and is able to let others teach him (Ps. 25:4-5; Prov. 1:7; 9:9; 13:1;15:33;19:20). He’s humble enough to know when he’s wrong and admits it. A keeper says “I’m sorry,” learns from his mistakes and changes to become more like Christ.

7. His Life Goals Match Well With Yours
When thinking about who to date, or continue dating, you need to figure out if you both have the same future goals. If he’s led to be a missionary in South Asia and you feel strongly about being a lawyer in Boston, well then that probably isn’t a match made in heaven. If your number one goal to serve the Lord anywhere he asks, and your date’s top priority is being with family, you are going to hit some rough patches. It doesn’t mean that God’s can change his priorities, or call you to the mission field with him, but it does need to be prayerfully considered.

When Alex and I were dating, I knew I was going to be in women’s ministry and had a heart for missions, while Alex was called to be a full-time missionary. After some time of dating, the Lord confirmed that I was going to minister to women and be a missionary. The life goals the Lord had given Alex matched well with mine and I knew I should keep him around for a bit longer! 🙂

Being equally yoked doesn’t just mean that you share the same beliefs; it also means that you’re both heading in the same life direction (2 Cor. 6:13-15). A keeper’s goals lead you closer to where the Lord is leading you, not further away.

8. He Protects Your Heart
A keeper looks out for the best interests of the girl he’s dating. He’ll do everything he can to make sure that he’s not leading her on (this is where #2 and #3 come in) or that things are going at the appropriate level emotionally (Phil.4:7). He’s wise enough and cares enough to keeps things slow and helps to protect your heart (Prov.4:23), emotionally and spiritually, so that it remains reserved and focused on Christ above all else.

9. He Protects Your Reputation/Witness
He’s also careful to not lead her into circumstances that might put her reputation and Christian witness in jeopardy (Phil.2:3-5). He’ll avoid situations that might make people think less of her or are not above reproach (Eph. 5:3Rom. 13:13). He’s her brother in Christ and he acts like it by putting his selfish desires aside to protect the heart and reputation of his sister in Christ. Because his primary goal is that God be glorified through their time together.

10. He Loves God More Than You
Wait, aren’t we always told that a guy needs to love you more than anything?! That’s what I used to think, too. But a guy that loves God more than you is a guy that will treat you far better than if he loved you above all else.

If a guy loves God first, then he’ll reflect Christ and desire godliness. A keeper loves God, follows God’s commands, and is continually desiring to please God. He’s going to be put your needs above his own because God, the one he loves above all else, has asked him too (Phil. 2:3-5). So that means, if you become his wife, that you’ll end up getting treated really well because God has commanded your guy to love you, serve you, and give himself up for you (Eph. 5:25-33).

There’s a lot more to choosing a guy  than his height, job, or hobbies but godliness should be the #1 criteria.If he’s not seeking God then he’s not for you. And that’s not you being judgmental; it’s you being wise and discerning like God wants  (Prov. 13:20; Rom. 12:2).

God has set a high standard of holiness for the guys you date for a reason; it’s for your best and it brings Him glory through your dating life (1 Cor.10:31). God desires for you to have a healthy dating life that glorifies the Gospel but that can only happen when you choose guys that are in line with God’s standards.

God has called His sons to certain standards but He’s done the same for His daughters. For a dating relationship to glorify Christ, it takes a godly guy and a godly girl. So before you begin going down the next dating path consider this: Am I the female counterpart of this list? Am I a woman that reflects Christ in my life and loves Him more than my desires for a guy’s love?

Remember, to get a keeper, you’ve got to be a keeper. 🙂

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18 thoughts on “10 Signs That He’s A Keeper

  1. A very thoughtful article Diane. Excellent points and I appreciate your focus on a man’s heart which will be demonstrated by his actions. It’s not the flash that lasts; it’s his character that will carry the day. God’s blessed me with a man with just such a godly character. We have almost 33 years of marriage behind us and I pray many more.

    Thanks for your blog. It’s always fun to stop in.

    Joyce

  2. Do you think God will ever lead a Christian woman to date and married an unbeliever?
    What if this man is perfect, in a way that is beyond ordinary man, where, he’s a gentleman, reserve, protective, patient, kind, sweet, willing to go to church…but I’m a Christian, is it possible, though i know the word says do not be yoked with an unbeliever. What if he is willing…and i find that most of the Christian are no different than the ones out there.
    What do you say or think? Do you let the relationship go?

    • That’s definitely something you can struggle with when you’re dating especially if you’re not meeting Christian guys that are of high caliber. Would God ever lead a woman to marry an unbeliever? No. If God did that then He would be leading His child to do something which He says is wrong, and that would make Him a liar and a hypocrite. God would never be okay with you stealing something when He’s said in His Word not to steal.

      Since we know that God doesn’t want us to sin and told us that marrying unbelievers is a sin, then we need to obey Him. If we’re not willing to submit to His will then it says something about us and God. When you decide to date an unbeliever, your testimony and the Gospel are damaged. By purposefully going against God’s commands and dating a non-believer you’re communicating to him and the world that faith in God isn’t worth it, God isn’t worthy of love and obedience. You’re telling that guy you date, who doesn’t believe in God, that you don’t love God enough to obey Him. So then why should he follow and believe in the same God?

      If God asks you not to date unbelievers, He’s not going to leave you high and dry with a Christian guy that treats you badly, doesn’t respect you, isn’t kind, etc. If you’re faithful to obey God, He will do you good. If you trust the Lord’s wisdom and follow His will then He’s always faithful to provide you everything you need and He will provide a man that is of the highest caliber and loves God.

      But if you decide to go down a path that’s against Scripture then all that awaits is heartache. It doesn’t matter how good the guy seems now, he doesn’t share the same faith or the same values. He may seem “perfect” to you but if he isn’t a man after God’s own heart then he’s not good for you. You’re a child of God who’s been brought out of the darkness and into the light of Christ. The guy who doesn’t believe in God is still in darkness and enslaved to sin (Rom. 6). The light and darkness can have no part of each other. Because he doesn’t love God, he won’t follow God’s commands which means you will get hurt. God commands His children not to marry unbelievers to protect us. Your heart will continually be torn between the Lord who saved you and a man still lost in darkness. Being unequally yoked always ends in heartbreak so please if you’re considering dating an unbeliever, save yourself heartache, trust the Lord, and wait for God’s best for you life. You will never be disappointed if you obey God!

      • I am not aware if comments on this site are censored or not, so perhaps this post will never see the light of day. If it doesn’t, it will still at least be read by the censor.

        While I agree that it is not generally a good idea to date an unbeliever, and also that the Word specifically prohibits this, I also think that it is a little arrogant to speak for God. You state that God would never lead a woman to marry an unbeliever. This is confining God to human rules and is directly contested by Scripture. God raised Esther up to become the queen of Persia, married to an unbeliever. He used Esther to increase his glory by defeating the plans of Haman. While the situation was probably not ideal for Esther, it is not ourselves that we should be concerned about, but God. Contrary to many (Western) Christian leader’s opinions, God does not always have “our” best interests in mind, but his. We live for HIS glory, we live to further HIS purposes. It is easy for us as westerners to think to ourselves that God will care for all of our needs, but this is not true. Simply ask any of the millions of starving and oppressed Asian or African or (insert non-western country here) Christians if they believe God will provide all their needs. The truth is, God introduces situations into our lives that ultimately further his glory. If God decides that he will provide a lousy husband, then God will do so. It is unrealistic to promise that God will provide a “man that is of the highest caliber and loves God.”

        As always, it should be our highest priority to seek God’s will for our lives. Generally speaking, this means doing so within the Biblical framework, which would disallow marriage to a nonbeliever. It is however incorrect to assume that God would never lead a woman to marry an unbeliever. God can do whatever he pleases. He may decree that it is wrong to marry an unbeliever, and then lead a woman to marry one. He is not bound by the rules he sets for us.

      • well Aaron, not quite sure how you can have it both ways; God is not a changing being as we humans are. I like your comment, “this means doing so within the Biblical framework, which would disallow marriage to a nonbeliever.” Yet you say that God would or could allow such to take place. Is it God allowing this or a father or parent that is not doing his or her job of giving wise counsel to a child or not getting involved in the life of a child to protect him or her from making a decision to marry an unbeliever? Just saying here, or asking.

        To your example, Esther, one of my favorite books of the Bible filled with truth. God did use Cyrus and Xerxes to save the Jewish people. No question, but to say that this one instance is a paradigm or even part of a paradigm for stating that God would lead a believing woman to marry an unbeliever is not sound Bible analysis. If this unique instance can be used as a paradigm, then what about other unique events, Eze. 37 as evidence that life begins with breath; Acts 28 as evidence that we can play with snakes; or any other of the dozens of unique events in the Bible. Unique events while excellent teaching tools, do not establish a spiritual process for future generations.

        So, you comment begs to question then about Paul’s injunction to “not be unequally yoked to unbelievers.” What say you to this instruction? Paul is instructing for the future. Paul is speaking to the church with application to business, deep fellowship, marriage, and potentially other situations in life. When establishing a paradigm for the Christian life, we should always consider the complete revelation of God, both Old and New Testaments, and thereby avoid either heresy or a tendency thereto.

      • Interesting… So in the same way, God can command us to abstain from lying and then lead us to lie? He can command us never to worship idols, then lead us to witchcraft? These are extremes, but you’re implying God is not a God of absolute truth. We have definite rules set by God, but God himself is not bound by his own character. The Bible never EVER records God going against his very nature- the only “limit” (if it can be called a limitation) placed on God is that of his own holy nature. God CANNOT go against his own nature. His commandments are not merely general rules set for us humans to follow- God’s Law is a reflection of his character. God tells us not to lie, because he is the God of Truth. God tells us not to murder, because he is the Life-Giver. God tells us not to be joined to that which is unholy, because he is untainted by sin. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2) It is NEVER good to be conformed to this world, because God says don’t do it. Therefore it is NEVER good to place yourself in an intimate relationship with a representative of the world, in which the whole point of the relationship is to grow closer together.
        Just to clarify, I’m not saying we Christians are inherently better than unbelievers- we are all alike under sin- and there a lot of “good” guys out there. I’m also not saying that we should just avoid the world altogether and go be holy hermits. There is a difference between being in the world as Jesus was, and being yoked together with it.
        As for the Esther example: despite the common tendency to elevate her as a heroine of the Bible, there is no evidence anywhere in Scripture that her OR her relative Mordecai were faithful believers. It wasn’t a beauty pageant at the county fair that Mordecai encouraged her to compete in- it was an all out sex-off. The book of Esther is the only book in the Bible where God is not mentioned. None of its characters can be considered examples of faithful living- the main character is God as sovereign over all, at work behind the scenes to preserve his people Israel, to fulfill his promise made to Abraham centuries ago. Yet another example of God’s unchanging nature- despite Israel’s rebellion against him. Circumstances never dictate God’s response, and he never contradicts himself.

      • Daniel,

        A bit off topic. But since you mention the 10 commandments as God being a God of absolute truth and unchanging…what do you then think about the 4th commandment, the Sabbath? Does it still apply in the NT and today? Just curious

  3. But the whole point of the piece written above is that a guy that is good for you (as a Christian girl) has to be more than just patient, kind, sweet etc, whether he is Christian or not. He has to be able to lead you spiritually, love God, etc, therefore something only a Christian guy can do.

    If you believe he’s truly willing (to..do what, anyway, by the way? love God or simply go to church?), and that he really would be a keeper worth waiting for, then why not wait (from a distance i.e. without sharing any romantic feelings or promises or hopes) until he does prove so? Although it sounds like you’re already in a relationship with him?

    By the way, just from personal experience, and coincidently in line with what Di said above, I started falling for a guy a couple of years ago, and he had (and still has) the perfect personality I really would have loved. But at the time I felt that the incompatibility between our worldviews/beliefs/values etc. were too different, because he was not Christian, and in that way, unlike a fling, a relationship (life together) would never work. So I told him that (which did cost me some tears and frustrated phone calls into the morning), and I believe God rewarded me for that act of faith/obedience, because guess who was waiting just around the corner… I got together with my current boyfriend just months after that and he is someone I’m in love with and I can and am planning to have a life with, in which our belief/value systems match up etc.

  4. Thanks so much Di and Rachel…it’s just that I dated Christian men they’re worse than unbelievers.
    But you’re both right in belief, values and most importantly honoring God’s word!.. Thank you again for speaking the truth.

  5. Pingback: How do you know if he’s a keeper? | No Regrets Singles

  6. Great list – I just now took some time to blog my own thoughts about this. One reminder that I’d say is to show grace and not expect perfection! It’s easy to get legalistic about some of these things. You could say:
    He isn’t certain if he’ll be a missionary in China or Africa, so I can’t really call that a plan.
    He didn’t ask me if it was okay to call me his girlfriend before he did. I guess he really isn’t a leader.
    He plans on being a financial planner, so he must not really love God above all else.
    I saw him looking at another girl the other day. He says it’s just because he’s never seen someone with bright pink hair, but I dunno…she was kind of cute.
    When his friends need help moving, he never seems excited to lift furniture.

    Show grace to him. Some things guys just don’t know to do. They don’t always know to have a big “Define The Relationship” conversation 18.2 times in a relationship like some women expect. Some things are just instinctive – to notice a woman’s bright pink hair. Some things aren’t his style – to lift furniture, but he’ll buy pizza for the moving crew. Expect that he’ll miss some opportunity to serve you – something that you wish he would’ve done, but he just flat out didn’t think of it.

    You’ll also need to show grace to yourself. Expect that you won’t follow his leadership well all the time. Expect that you won’t always appreciate his honesty. Expect that you won’t always be thrilled with every single aspect of his life.

    http://noregretssingles.com/2011/12/07/how-do-you-know-if-hes-a-keeper/

  7. I love this post. And it kind of makes me cry, because the guy I was recently dating had every quality on this list.

    Including this: “A keeper looks out for the best interests of the girl he’s dating. He’ll do everything he can to make sure that he’s not leading her on….”

    When he realised I was too invested (after 3 months), I got dumped. Sigh.

  8. Pingback: How do you know if he’s a keeper? « No Regrets Living

  9. Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart.
    That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks to DR AKPAKPA, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how DR AKPAKPA could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.

    BESTY ADAMS

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