We all know marriages aren’t perfect. There are so many wonderful times; but if you’re anything like me, there have also been times where you’ve felt bored, dissatisfied, and questioned if things might be greener on the other side of your marriage. The world tells us that perhaps you’re just not meant to be together anymore, questions if you’re still in love, or raises doubts to if your husband is truly giving you what you need to be happy. The world would tell us these thoughts and feelings are ok and normal.
But, as a believer, God knows the root of these feelings and tenderly calls us out on it, “When was the last time you put Me first? When was the last time I satisfied your heart instead all those activities, people, and your own fleshly desires?” The truth of the matter is when we begin to think thoughts about our marriages that are not from God, then our relationship with Christ has not been the focus. If I’m feeling like a dissatisfied wife then more than likely I’m also being a dissatisfied believer – because the most important factor in being content, satisfied, and happy in a marriage is having a right relationship with God.
An Unsatisfied Believer is a Discontent Wife
When thoughts contrary to the Spirit begin to take root in your heart, the first place to look is at your relationship with God.
- If you’re not content in your marriage, are you finding contentment in the Lord?
- If you’re bored with your husband, are you finding yourself bored with God?
- If your eyes and thoughts have wandering from your husband, has your heart been wandering from Christ as well?
If a person begins to neglect their relationship with God then their marriage will inevitably begin to suffer. If we begin acting more in the flesh, we can immediately examine our hearts and life to see that we haven’t been living in the Spirit. (Rom.8:4; Gal.5:16; 1Jn. 3:24) We cannot be God-glorifying wives without first abiding in Christ, our eternal Husband. (Jn.15:1-17; 1 Jn.2:28) Love for our spouses is an outflow of our love for God, and, without love for God, we cannot love our husbands. The more we neglect God the more we live for ourselves which only results in sin. If God isn’t your #1 priority, then your husband won’t even make the list; the list will only be filled with your fleshly desires. You will be left feeling empty, dissatisfied, and constantly searching for something other than God and your husband to fulfill your spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. You cannot be content in this life if you are not first acting through Christ’s transforming power and you can’t act have Christ’s power working through you unless you are abiding in Him. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
A Satisfied Believer Is a Satisfied Wife
He who delights in the possession of the Lord Jesus has all that a
heart can wish. –Charles Spurgeon
What can God do to make us content and happy in our marriages? The marriage relationship directly reflects Christ’s relationship with the Church (Eph.5:22-33;1 Pet.3:1-7) which is why our spiritual status directly correlates with the status of our marriages. These passages still apply to us today because the relationship between Christ and the Church is still the same. Christ is still acting as the Bridegroom and we are still His Bride (Lk.5; Jn. 3:29; Rev.17-22). So when we are in a right relationship with God – loving Him, obeying Him, and submitting to His will – then we will treat our husbands in a manner God desires for His children.
The God who transforms hearts is the only One who can transform our feelings and attitudes; without Him, we will fail to live out the fruits of the Spirit in our marriages (Gal.5:22-23 ). The Lord is the only One who can change our lives to look more like His (2 Cor. 3:17-18). This is the reason our relationship with Him is so vital to our marriages; if we are not satisfied with Christ, our perfect Husband, how can we even get close to being satisfied with an imperfect husband? If we don’t live a life fully relying on God, how can we have the strength to be content in all things (Phil. 4:10-13)?
The truth is:
- When you love God, He gives you what you need to love your husband.
- When you are satisfied in Christ, He strengthens you to be content in your marriage.
- When God is the only One your heart desires, your husband can be the only person you desire.
- When you put God first, you will put your husband first.
A Satisfied Believer Does Not Mean a Perfect Marriage
Unfortunately, our obedience to God doesn’t mean your husband is going to be perfect, never hurt you, never betray you, and always treat you right. This is the saddening reality of sinful human nature joined together in marriage. There are many wives who strive to love the Lord, to be godly women; all the while, their husbands could care less about the Lord. When I see these marriages my heart breaks for those wives. I cannot imagine how discouraging and disheartening it must be to live in a marriage like that, but I applaud the wives who stay faithful to their husbands, stay faithful to the Word, and, most importantly, stay faithful to the Lord. Their lives should be an example to us all of obedience and faith lived out – no matter the circumstances of life. God never guaranteed us that our lives would be happy, wonderful, and great all the time. He did guarantee that we would have hardships, but that He would always be with us, loving us, forgiving us, and strengthening us through those rough times (Deut. 31:6; Matt.28:20; Heb.13:5-6). If we have Christ, then that is all we need in this world; and we can be content in all circumstances…but only if we anchor ourselves to our holy and wonderful Savior!
We are not responsible for our husband’s actions nor his relationship with God. We are only responsible to the Lord for our actions and our attitudes. Your husband’s sin does not give you an excuse to leave him, to stop loving him, or to treat him in an ungodly manner. But, if you are filled with the Holy Spirit because you’ve been making God your all in all, then He gives you everything you need to love as He loves, to be patient and to forgive sin just as He is patient and forgiving with our sin.
When dissatisfaction enters your marriage then you need to search your heart and see if dissatisfaction first entered into your relationship with God? Does this mean that if your relationship with God has been solid and your heart is solely satisfied in Christ that your marriage will be hunky-dory? No…but when your heart is filled with Christ, you begin to have His mind, His thoughts, and His character which will give you the love, purity, and faith you need to act in a God-glorifying way in your marriage.